Losing someone that you love

Recently I lost one of the best men I've ever had the pleasure to know- my Dad. He was a wonderful man..caring, wise, engaging, socially conscious, loving, sensitive, intelligent and fun. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few years back but was doing so well to overcome the impact of the treatment he was on and the changes to his lifestyle that it came as huge shock that his heart went into cardiac arrest late November and he never recovered. I had forgotten just how curly grief is, how it knocks you down with its massive waves of emotion and heartache. I have lived with ambiguous loss for nearly 19 years now, but nothing prepares you for losing someone who is such a big part of your life. What has become clear to me is that he is still with me. I feel him in the breeze, hear him in the laugh of the kookaburra, and talk to him as I walk through the bush and onto the beach. It is gratitude for all he has given me that pulls me back from the dark edge of grief. Reflecting on how lucky I have been to have a supportive Father who believed in me, and loved me unconditionally, I anchor myself in the gratitude so that when that wave of grief and pain seeks to swallow me whole, my feet remain firmly rooted in the earth, in the memory of our love. And if we think of life, what is it but memories made and reflected on? He may not be visible to me anymore, but in my heart he shines bright.

You are still with me Dad. Always.